Second Post!

Okay, where did I leave off?
The tingling sensation in my head after taking the pill for the first time of Resveratrol - that’s where.
So, I returned home and later that day noticed the tingling had passed. But by the next morning, I noticed that I was a bit hypomanic - at least, that is what it felt like. I could think faster a bit; I felt better; I could think clearer. It was all very subtle, but to make a long 18 day story short, it was the start of a remarkable medical phenomena. My brain, as I look back clearly now, was starting to “clean house”. It felt like all the fog and “rust” from all those free radicals from 10 years on Resperdol, Zyprexa, and Abilify… and the other psychotropics I was on - which were powerful, yet potentially damaging without the super antioxidants - was all disappearing. It seemed like my neuro pathways were unclogging. Now that is simply what I feel like has happened in the last two and 1/2 weeks. This has NOT been verified by anyone yet. To tell you the truth, I don’t think they’ve invented a test for free radical damage in the brain yet, so I don’t think they’d be able to test any how, which sucks. Perhaps some kind of brain scan or mri could display whether or not my brain is functioning better but I don’t have any base line from before to compare it to. That is how far behind medical and pharmaceutical technology is these days in regards to the human brain. I’ve been told by doctors that the scientific community knows more about space than it does about the human brain.
Just so you know, the way these drugs affect the brain chemistry and “help” mental illness, is all theory. No one knows how it works for sure. And the reason I am emphasizing this point, is to allude to the fact that this MAY be a genuine new discovery in how a readily available nutritional supplement, which can be purchased at most health food stores by anyone, could be a POTENTIAL positive ally in the fight against the most serious of mental illnesses - bipolar and schizophrenia.
I have both combined and something has happened to me. My brain is not functioning the same as it did 2 1/2 weeks ago, when I was on the Abilify and Zoloft and some vitamins and antioxidants. A RADICAL, pardon the pun, change has occurred in me in that I now feel like a whole, healthy human with a whole, healthy, functional, beautiful brain.
See, the drugs only helped to a degree. My doctor suggests that if she knew I wasn’t happy with the results, we could have juggled in some more medications. I tried to explain to her that I have been diagnosed with this terrible illness - not for a short time - but for OVER a decade! I had many of the symptoms far longer than that. I know what this condition makes you feel and think like. I have been on the best drugs including Lamictol, which she’d forgotten I was on and felt that it would have helped more. It didn’t. The drugs got me only so far. After all that time to give them opportunity to work, they only did so much.
2 1/2 weeks ago, that all started to change. For the first time in my 35 years living with mental illness, I felt like I wasn’t any longer. And I know some of you doctors and researchers that are reading this might be rolling your eyes. It’s important that you remain skeptical. I don’t have a clue as to what is really going on here. I’m willing to concede that I could be hypomanic. I’ve dealt with hypomania thousands of times as a rapid cycling bipolar patient over the last 10 years. It makes your thoughts race. My thinking has improved, but in vein of that argument, it was pretty repressed by the condition before. Schizophrenia has a symptom called disorganized thinking. I felt the ramifications of that many times. I thought I had a learning disability as well too and my memory was completely weak. All my friends and family know me by my poor memory. That’s different now. I have a delightfully powerful healthy memory now.
So thinking and cognition has improved tremendously. I can communicate clearly both in writing and in speech.
It feels different from hypomania as well because I am not irritable at all. I usually have irritability and none has been experienced in that time.
Spending, reckless driving and increased desire for sex has not happened to me. I am in control and still aware of consequences. (That happens with hypomania - you don’t care if you spend your last dollar today. You think somehow you’ll get more tomorrow so you don’t worry about it and as a result, you recklessly spend.) I went bankrupt over 10 years ago around the time I was diagnosed due to my crazy hypomania spending. I’m telling you, that is NOT happening now. I don’t feel compulsion to spend, have sex, or drive erratically. My partner and I still have a healthy sex life of twice a week. Hasn’t changed. My driving record is still safe. No speeding tickets, which I had many over 10 years ago.
I’m feeling really good - not euphoric. I usually get that way with hypomania. Not now with what’s happening.
With hypomania, I usually have magical thinking, compulsively believing in synchronocity and spiritual power. It’s not a hallucination, it’s simply an inner craving to become more enlightened. It’s a strong euphoric pull towards God. Not that I don’t beleive in God. Of course I do. He’s helped me get this far. But it’s a normal belief. I don’t feel compelled to talk to God every 10 minutes. I simply pray once a day now, like a normal person would.
See that’s what I’m saying. Everything seems to be normalizing. I now only 8 hours of sleep instead of the 9-10 I’d been used to for the last 10 years. This concerned my doctor again. She said there is a difference in your sleep pattern. This could be a sign of hypomania. I explained to her in my expereince with this condition that hypomania allows me to get away with 4 -5 hours of sleep a night, while the temporary state lasts - usually for 3 -4 days. My change in sleep patterns has simply dropped from an unusual and unhealthy and unproductive 9 -10 hours, to a typical human sleep time of 8. In her defense, at the time we’d seen each other last week, I told her my sleep had dropped to 7 hours, which was true. It’s since come up to 8. I think that will help her to feel a bit better about this.
SHe’s a spectacular health professional and I have nothing but respect for her. She took me in as a psychiatric nurse practicioner when pschiatrists were denying to see me due to my diagnosis. I thank her sooo much for all she’s done for me and in no way to I want to paint a poor picture of her. I simply don’t agree completely with her opinion on this NEW scenario with my head and contents. I certainly shocked her, I guess and I didn’t give her the opportunity to let it sink in at the time. I’ve only seen her once so far. I promised I’d see her this week and I’m looking forward to it. I really enjoy talking to professionals and intelligent people now. Before it terrified me. Now, I seek out a stimulating conversation.
Okay… I have to get out in the barn, but I shall return!