Sorry I haven't posted as much as usual this last week or so. It's been hectic getting ready for school and, I have to admit, my brain has been a bit off. This of course is due to my meddling with my meds and supplements. See I used to take them at around 9:00 am. I have since switched the time, since I was getting sleepy around 4:00 pm, to the evening. I also must admit that I got a little cocky and tried cutting down a bit on them - not much, just a tad - too much apparently. And then throw this into the mix; I also went to a wedding and literally pigged out on plates of pork! See, the caterer had these delightfully delicious bacon wrapped asparagus appetizers. I tried one justifying that it was "basically" a whole food. The asparagus, of course, was fine. The bacon however - not so much. See, this was a store bought prepackaged product that was undoubtedly laced with more glutamate than I've ingested in weeks. It wouldn't have been bad had I'd eaten 1, 2 or maybe 3. No - I emptied 1/2 the contents of that industrial sized serving tray of Glutamate into my gullet. Could that have been part of the cause to my dumpy mood (first time in quite awhile I must say)? Perhaps.
What ever the cause (I always seek to find it so not to make the same mistakes again), I yesterday and today felt off. What did this look like for me? My head was foggy - memory and thoughts were not as clear. I was pissy and sarcastic. I even felt a tinge of social anxiety coming back at the thought of doing a speech for Toast Masters or even talking with a group of people. In other words, my old crap was lurching back... it felt.
What changed it? This morning I decided to take an extra Resveratrol pill. I already had taken one the night before as well as resorted to taking my originally recommended doses of my previously mentioned supplements and meds. In no time after taking the additional Resveratrol, my head cleared and mood perked up. This makes me wonder if I did have too much residual Glutamate built up in my system from the damned pork gorging incident.
Conclusion? I plan on continuing to take my other pills at night, however, I will now take Resv in the morning and possibly in the afternoon. (I will try to take 2 pills per day now.)
Also - no more pigging out on pig!
(unless it's organic, of course...) ;)
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
My pivotal moment over the weekend - changing my future's course again...
Wow.
What a thought provoking time I had on my latest trip this past weekend! I’m referring to my conversations with a family member who I had the privilege of getting to know. Now, before my transformation, I may have shuttered at the thought of a full on talk with them in knowing their occasional difficult nature and "rough around the edges" use of opinion. However, they are a brilliant older person who’s had a challenging life. (Obviously I'm trying to be completely anonymous and vague when referring to them out of respect to them.)
Our discussion, though immediately awkward, turned out to be one of those powerful moments in life. I didn't realize it at the time, but now, having thought about it, it seems to be a pivotal moment where I made a decision and have now acted in regards to my education.
Now, keep in mind that this all happened quite suddenly since I'd practically just arrived and this was the first real conversation that I’d ever really held with this person. There was no preparation for the heated discussion except my own internal warnings that it may get a bit stressful. As a result, I was nervous.
So, there we were, on the morning after our late night arrival, sitting in the living room with my mom and dad and the family member I am referring to. They started the ball rolling by asking what I was up to. A simple and standard question yet, as discussed in a previous post, I always sigh and wonder where to begin and how much I should reveal about my current internal adventure.
So I mentioned something basic, that I was applying for positions in customer service at a few local insurance agencies. They seemed interested without being enthralled. I’d also mentioned that I’d like to go back to school, secretly hoping to impress them.
See, I have to fill you in on a detail about this member of our family. I didn't know much about them at this point, but I did know that human intelligence is at the top of his preferential list. Degrees and certifications mean a lot to them. This may be due to the fact that they never acquired a degree (though they would have aced their way right through college if they had) and I wonder if its due to the fact that they always wanted one. This member of the family is very well read and quite astute to the ways of the world.
In all reality, their kids certainly must have felt weight of this drive for intellectual self improvement seeing that they graduated with high degrees from college. It seems like it was a matter of a parent wanting the opportunities they never had for their children. So push them this person did, and, looking back, now I wasn't ready for but about to get the same lesson.
"Where do you want to go to school?" The family member asked bluntly. I didn't know, so I just started talking, mindlessly.
Now before I go any further, in looking back, I have to admit that I was much more antsy and hyper than I’d like to admit with this situation. For someone like this family member who dealt with the symptoms of my condition professionally in their job, this totally must have looked like I was in hypo mania or mania. To their eye, it probably looked like I was really up. This was a good observation and a good hypothesis, but... it was wrong. I was actually nervous. Doesn’t matter. It was a lesson in itself as to how careful I have to be to not allow this hyperactive state (coffee and situationally induced) trick or fool people into thinking I’m manic in any of it’s forms. My brain naturally runs much faster now than it has in the past. But with coffee, it really runs. So it’s an easy mistake to make - easy, but still wrong.
So here I am, hyped up on coffee and, oh... just a tad anxious about impressing my difficult to impress family member who I really didn’t know.
So, I continued to babble away. “I really want to go back to school because I have my Associates Degree from JCA from back in 1997 but I’d really love to have my Bachelors and Masters, well actually, my Doctorate – and this is due to the fact that I want to be a life coach or executive coach some day and help heal the world – but first I have to get my degrees and go back to school and that will be after I apply to all of these jobs and get at least one full time position and…” blah, blah, blah. (I wasn't that bad but for entertainment purposes, let's pretend I was because it apparently was what I seemed like to my family member. I was acting like a babbling, idiotic, hyperactive child with all kinds of dreams and no basis for reality.
They called me on it. "What are you doing about it now?"
I stopped, then responded just as fidgety, "Well, I haven't done anything yet about school but I'm looking into taking an online course for writing children's books and then I'll take an online program for life coaching and -"
They interrupted, "Why waist your time with that? It won't apply to a degree."
I defensively said that, "I think it will but it's more important that I acquire the knowledge learned rather the credits earned."
In turn, they basically said, "It's useless."
I was dumbfounded. I resorted to, "I'm not sure what you think about this but I'm planning on being a motivational speaking, children and adult authoring, life coach-"
"I don't care," they dropped. "I would never go to you as a life coach. You haven't lived yet and don't know anything. And you aren't a good listener."
Okay. This struck a nerve. But rather than get defensive and upset, I started learning something here. First of all, if I was anything, I knew I was a good listener. But I had to agree I wasn't being a good one at this point and since they and I were talking for the first time, of course they had no reference other than how I was immediately behaving. What they really seemed to be saying is that I was babbling on and not listening to them. But I also was seeing my family member's ambitions for a degree and their desire for a person to have one - possibly so they could see them as a complete person - tested, proven and ready for the world. But I also saw a little lack of understanding about being a life coach. It's a common misconception that life coaching is about having particular experience and knowledge. While this is partly true, you could never have all the experience required to answer every question for a life coach client. So its more about guiding people in a positive direction to deal effectively with any goal they may wish to achieve. But my family member did have a point that I didn't have much practical knowledge of the world. However, what they didn't know is that I had tremendous personal experience with conquering my mental illness - one of the worst mental illnesses in human kind.
More importantly though, I was beginning to read a different body language from this person. There were speaking very slowly now and deliberate. I knew they were trying to slow me down. So I responded by doing just that.
I also knew it was time to come clean about what I did know.
"Family member" (I know, that's weird to call them "family member". Ok, let's give them an androgenous name like... Pat.) has anyone in the family told you about what has been happening to me lately?"
"You tell me."
I filled "Pat" in and they listened for a time carefully. Then "Pat" said, "How old are you, Jason?"
"35."
"Do you realize," they gently now said (I'd won some respect from them apparently now that I matched their speaking pace and informed them of my inner accomplishments), "that if you go for your Bachelor's and then Masters at a part time pace now, you'll be over 40 by the time you complete your degrees and then you'll be competing with 25 year olds for the same jobs?"
"Pat" was right. (I told you they were smart.)
"Can you go to school full time now?"
I thought I could. Financial aid should really help considering I have no money. So I nodded.
Speaking slowly and softly now, "Pat" assured me that I should really take that into consideration. They also mentioned I should act now, get up in the morning, write a list for the day that works toward that ultimate goal of a degree. With this, I then realized they were a very pragmatic person. It was one of many things I would learn from them that weekend.
And from then on, a shift had taken place. I completely changed the way I communicated with "Pat" - from nervous and jerky to calm and quiet, and what a difference it made in our talk. They blossomed as much as I. Both of our walls dropped. The communication just flowed, mostly from "Pat", mind you now, but it was ripe full of information. Information about my future and the ways they believed I could make it successful.
I have to admit I didn't blindly follow all of it. "Pat" really thought I shouldn't bother helping people who might be in similar situations as me and thought I should be a teacher. I listened but silently disagreed. The way I currently see it is I have a bit of knowledge that may (or may not) help someone. So I really can't on good consciousness hold it in secrecy when I know that there could be at least one person similar to me who might be able to get healthy. If I can help one person to change the way they eat and take a simple supplement pill and as a result get well from mental illness and not hurt themselves or another person, then I think that it is worth it.
But in that vein, I have to say that I agreed with "Pat" (that new name cracks me up). See, a teacher is exactly what I want to be as a motivational speaking, children and adult book authoring, life coach.
But you know what? Right there was a great example of one of the lessons that "Pat" had taught me. They said that I should listen to people quietly and think about it over time. I just did. And I came to my own conclusion. I guess we should all listen a little more to each other.
I learned so much from my family member that weekend, but most importantly, I learned that I enjoy them and I think they enjoyed me. We really bonded.
So, in new Jason fashion, at the end of the weekend, I actually came out and told "Pat" that I appreciated their letting me get close to them. Now, they were probably taken back a little bit that I would say something so awkwardly intimate. As a result, "Pat" said nothing. They didn't need to. See, I think I was teaching them a little something about human relationships. Perhaps they were taking their own advice and thinking on it.
What a thought provoking time I had on my latest trip this past weekend! I’m referring to my conversations with a family member who I had the privilege of getting to know. Now, before my transformation, I may have shuttered at the thought of a full on talk with them in knowing their occasional difficult nature and "rough around the edges" use of opinion. However, they are a brilliant older person who’s had a challenging life. (Obviously I'm trying to be completely anonymous and vague when referring to them out of respect to them.)
Our discussion, though immediately awkward, turned out to be one of those powerful moments in life. I didn't realize it at the time, but now, having thought about it, it seems to be a pivotal moment where I made a decision and have now acted in regards to my education.
Now, keep in mind that this all happened quite suddenly since I'd practically just arrived and this was the first real conversation that I’d ever really held with this person. There was no preparation for the heated discussion except my own internal warnings that it may get a bit stressful. As a result, I was nervous.
So, there we were, on the morning after our late night arrival, sitting in the living room with my mom and dad and the family member I am referring to. They started the ball rolling by asking what I was up to. A simple and standard question yet, as discussed in a previous post, I always sigh and wonder where to begin and how much I should reveal about my current internal adventure.
So I mentioned something basic, that I was applying for positions in customer service at a few local insurance agencies. They seemed interested without being enthralled. I’d also mentioned that I’d like to go back to school, secretly hoping to impress them.
See, I have to fill you in on a detail about this member of our family. I didn't know much about them at this point, but I did know that human intelligence is at the top of his preferential list. Degrees and certifications mean a lot to them. This may be due to the fact that they never acquired a degree (though they would have aced their way right through college if they had) and I wonder if its due to the fact that they always wanted one. This member of the family is very well read and quite astute to the ways of the world.
In all reality, their kids certainly must have felt weight of this drive for intellectual self improvement seeing that they graduated with high degrees from college. It seems like it was a matter of a parent wanting the opportunities they never had for their children. So push them this person did, and, looking back, now I wasn't ready for but about to get the same lesson.
"Where do you want to go to school?" The family member asked bluntly. I didn't know, so I just started talking, mindlessly.
Now before I go any further, in looking back, I have to admit that I was much more antsy and hyper than I’d like to admit with this situation. For someone like this family member who dealt with the symptoms of my condition professionally in their job, this totally must have looked like I was in hypo mania or mania. To their eye, it probably looked like I was really up. This was a good observation and a good hypothesis, but... it was wrong. I was actually nervous. Doesn’t matter. It was a lesson in itself as to how careful I have to be to not allow this hyperactive state (coffee and situationally induced) trick or fool people into thinking I’m manic in any of it’s forms. My brain naturally runs much faster now than it has in the past. But with coffee, it really runs. So it’s an easy mistake to make - easy, but still wrong.
So here I am, hyped up on coffee and, oh... just a tad anxious about impressing my difficult to impress family member who I really didn’t know.
So, I continued to babble away. “I really want to go back to school because I have my Associates Degree from JCA from back in 1997 but I’d really love to have my Bachelors and Masters, well actually, my Doctorate – and this is due to the fact that I want to be a life coach or executive coach some day and help heal the world – but first I have to get my degrees and go back to school and that will be after I apply to all of these jobs and get at least one full time position and…” blah, blah, blah. (I wasn't that bad but for entertainment purposes, let's pretend I was because it apparently was what I seemed like to my family member. I was acting like a babbling, idiotic, hyperactive child with all kinds of dreams and no basis for reality.
They called me on it. "What are you doing about it now?"
I stopped, then responded just as fidgety, "Well, I haven't done anything yet about school but I'm looking into taking an online course for writing children's books and then I'll take an online program for life coaching and -"
They interrupted, "Why waist your time with that? It won't apply to a degree."
I defensively said that, "I think it will but it's more important that I acquire the knowledge learned rather the credits earned."
In turn, they basically said, "It's useless."
I was dumbfounded. I resorted to, "I'm not sure what you think about this but I'm planning on being a motivational speaking, children and adult authoring, life coach-"
"I don't care," they dropped. "I would never go to you as a life coach. You haven't lived yet and don't know anything. And you aren't a good listener."
Okay. This struck a nerve. But rather than get defensive and upset, I started learning something here. First of all, if I was anything, I knew I was a good listener. But I had to agree I wasn't being a good one at this point and since they and I were talking for the first time, of course they had no reference other than how I was immediately behaving. What they really seemed to be saying is that I was babbling on and not listening to them. But I also was seeing my family member's ambitions for a degree and their desire for a person to have one - possibly so they could see them as a complete person - tested, proven and ready for the world. But I also saw a little lack of understanding about being a life coach. It's a common misconception that life coaching is about having particular experience and knowledge. While this is partly true, you could never have all the experience required to answer every question for a life coach client. So its more about guiding people in a positive direction to deal effectively with any goal they may wish to achieve. But my family member did have a point that I didn't have much practical knowledge of the world. However, what they didn't know is that I had tremendous personal experience with conquering my mental illness - one of the worst mental illnesses in human kind.
More importantly though, I was beginning to read a different body language from this person. There were speaking very slowly now and deliberate. I knew they were trying to slow me down. So I responded by doing just that.
I also knew it was time to come clean about what I did know.
"Family member" (I know, that's weird to call them "family member". Ok, let's give them an androgenous name like... Pat.) has anyone in the family told you about what has been happening to me lately?"
"You tell me."
I filled "Pat" in and they listened for a time carefully. Then "Pat" said, "How old are you, Jason?"
"35."
"Do you realize," they gently now said (I'd won some respect from them apparently now that I matched their speaking pace and informed them of my inner accomplishments), "that if you go for your Bachelor's and then Masters at a part time pace now, you'll be over 40 by the time you complete your degrees and then you'll be competing with 25 year olds for the same jobs?"
"Pat" was right. (I told you they were smart.)
"Can you go to school full time now?"
I thought I could. Financial aid should really help considering I have no money. So I nodded.
Speaking slowly and softly now, "Pat" assured me that I should really take that into consideration. They also mentioned I should act now, get up in the morning, write a list for the day that works toward that ultimate goal of a degree. With this, I then realized they were a very pragmatic person. It was one of many things I would learn from them that weekend.
And from then on, a shift had taken place. I completely changed the way I communicated with "Pat" - from nervous and jerky to calm and quiet, and what a difference it made in our talk. They blossomed as much as I. Both of our walls dropped. The communication just flowed, mostly from "Pat", mind you now, but it was ripe full of information. Information about my future and the ways they believed I could make it successful.
I have to admit I didn't blindly follow all of it. "Pat" really thought I shouldn't bother helping people who might be in similar situations as me and thought I should be a teacher. I listened but silently disagreed. The way I currently see it is I have a bit of knowledge that may (or may not) help someone. So I really can't on good consciousness hold it in secrecy when I know that there could be at least one person similar to me who might be able to get healthy. If I can help one person to change the way they eat and take a simple supplement pill and as a result get well from mental illness and not hurt themselves or another person, then I think that it is worth it.
But in that vein, I have to say that I agreed with "Pat" (that new name cracks me up). See, a teacher is exactly what I want to be as a motivational speaking, children and adult book authoring, life coach.
But you know what? Right there was a great example of one of the lessons that "Pat" had taught me. They said that I should listen to people quietly and think about it over time. I just did. And I came to my own conclusion. I guess we should all listen a little more to each other.
I learned so much from my family member that weekend, but most importantly, I learned that I enjoy them and I think they enjoyed me. We really bonded.
So, in new Jason fashion, at the end of the weekend, I actually came out and told "Pat" that I appreciated their letting me get close to them. Now, they were probably taken back a little bit that I would say something so awkwardly intimate. As a result, "Pat" said nothing. They didn't need to. See, I think I was teaching them a little something about human relationships. Perhaps they were taking their own advice and thinking on it.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Just a reminder to all that check out my blog...
1 - Thank you again!
2 - I'm heading out today for a trip to upper upstate NY to visit dear family that I've become (thanks to the makeover) newly close to. Can't wait!
3 - I will bring my computer with me and barring that there is internet service (I believe there is) I will blog throughout the weekend!
Gotta get ready now but we'll chat soon!
2 - I'm heading out today for a trip to upper upstate NY to visit dear family that I've become (thanks to the makeover) newly close to. Can't wait!
3 - I will bring my computer with me and barring that there is internet service (I believe there is) I will blog throughout the weekend!
Gotta get ready now but we'll chat soon!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Another trip tomorrow... where is all of this taking me?
Just so you know, for those of you who happen to be following my blog (thank you, thank you, and thank you!), I will be heading out on the road again Friday for the weekend. Depending on internet availability, I will try to blog while gone. Sorry I didn't indicate that I'd left a couple of posts ago, before my first trip. I accidentally left you all hanging. I apologize. Still learning blogging etiquette I guess!
So yes, I'm venturing out into the world with these trips! It's exciting and so different from the pre-Glutamate days (that includes the new diet and the first time I'd taken Resveratrol - which lowers Glutamate). This change has altered me in about every way you can imagine, except my heart and soul . Actually, I take that back. I think I'm able to even love more now than I could before, considering how preoccupied I was by simply trying to privately manage ALL of my horrendous symptoms. They are gone now. I've been released on good behavior. It appears my sentence is through. Thank the Lord in Heaven, I can honestly say now, that I thank him for the time served and of course the ending of it! (That is genuine gratitude to God - which my belief in has also quadrupled.) I've learned so much!
So what does God want me to do now with this knowledge? What does he want me to do with my new, improved mind? Let's face it. I'm taking little weekend trips to visit friends and family, but this whole adventure is the real trip. And what is my destination? Perhaps WHERE I end up isn't important; it's the venture that is. There is a famous quote which echoes here in my mind. I'm certain that is true, but I still can't help but wonder what lies ahead of me in my future.
I've come to an understanding about myself in the last few days that I want to share. First of all, I've applied and been accepted to the Institute for Children's Literature. This is exciting to me since I've always wanted to write for young people. This is also exciting since many people have been denied admittance to this school apparently.
See, I have these characters that I believe could be very helpful to kids who are dealing with emotional problems that they don't understand. I'll get into that little world I've been working on in another post.
So I'm starting a prestigious writing course after being tested by the Institute and passing. This makes me feel that my writing skills have potential. This obviously, makes me happy. I have a lot to say now. Communication is the art form of choice for me. Interestingly, my partner said that they miss my desire and ability to make art. What I'd like to say is that I still want to make art. I think I always will. But, now, it's in a different form. It's the art of communication that is sooo important to me. And writing, or course, fits right into it! I want to write for adults as well children. This course will help me refine my skills all the way around.
I've also interest in speaking - publicly. I've enlisted in Toast Masters and about to enroll in another course specifically for making a living at speaking. This excites me to no end.
Third, I've always naturally been a counselor at heart. Back in the day, had I not felt ONLY secure in isolating and protecting myself in my visual arts, I'd have become a therapist of some sort. Now, visual art does not hold the interest or safety that I needed before. It was a coping tool. (I feel safe all the time now.) My interest in helping people, however, is powerfully strong - stronger than ever. At times in my previous life, I'd think I'd wanted to become a life coach. Now... I KNOW I want to become a life coach!
I see a vivid and powerful future for Jason as these interests work together beautifully, hand in hand to form: a motivational speaking, children and adult book authoring, life coach! It's all about communicating all that I have learned on this adventure and helping people improve their own lives, filling them with hope for a powerful future - one that I now am personally heading toward myself!
And for my future and this farm that I currently live on... the seeds or ideas have been planted. I'm watering and fertilizing my ambitions by educating myself via online and in-class courses. Every day that goes by, I weed my old needs that just don't seem to apply any longer. My new sunny disposition and ambition seem to be the light fodder necessary to make my dreams grow. And soon enough, it will be harvest time. I will reap the financial but most important, emotional rewards of such a healthy bounty.
This is my internal garden. This is my new life's farm.
And externally, living on an estate with barns, edible plants and adorable animals, I did not realize until now the amazing parellels in my mind and physical life. I even thought for a moment it was time to leave the rural lifestyle, as healthy and wholesome as it is, to explore the world. Maybe in some way, I will. But I'm now understanding that I can have both - exploration and growth, and a stable, healthy home.
So it's important to move slowly, as I was reminded by my own counselor yesterday. As much as the rapidly advancing teenager inside me (I was just a preteen only a month ago!) wants to rush out and make up quickly for all the lost time, it's important that the "soon to be" adult in me lessons the child about the benefits of patience.
To my partner I say now, "I'm not going anywhere." The home we built is secure.
As Dorothy indicates to in the Wizard of Oz, all she ever wanted to find is right there waiting for her at her humble abode... and me with you, because, after all is said and done, "there's no place like home." I love you.
So yes, I'm venturing out into the world with these trips! It's exciting and so different from the pre-Glutamate days (that includes the new diet and the first time I'd taken Resveratrol - which lowers Glutamate). This change has altered me in about every way you can imagine, except my heart and soul . Actually, I take that back. I think I'm able to even love more now than I could before, considering how preoccupied I was by simply trying to privately manage ALL of my horrendous symptoms. They are gone now. I've been released on good behavior. It appears my sentence is through. Thank the Lord in Heaven, I can honestly say now, that I thank him for the time served and of course the ending of it! (That is genuine gratitude to God - which my belief in has also quadrupled.) I've learned so much!
So what does God want me to do now with this knowledge? What does he want me to do with my new, improved mind? Let's face it. I'm taking little weekend trips to visit friends and family, but this whole adventure is the real trip. And what is my destination? Perhaps WHERE I end up isn't important; it's the venture that is. There is a famous quote which echoes here in my mind. I'm certain that is true, but I still can't help but wonder what lies ahead of me in my future.
I've come to an understanding about myself in the last few days that I want to share. First of all, I've applied and been accepted to the Institute for Children's Literature. This is exciting to me since I've always wanted to write for young people. This is also exciting since many people have been denied admittance to this school apparently.
See, I have these characters that I believe could be very helpful to kids who are dealing with emotional problems that they don't understand. I'll get into that little world I've been working on in another post.
So I'm starting a prestigious writing course after being tested by the Institute and passing. This makes me feel that my writing skills have potential. This obviously, makes me happy. I have a lot to say now. Communication is the art form of choice for me. Interestingly, my partner said that they miss my desire and ability to make art. What I'd like to say is that I still want to make art. I think I always will. But, now, it's in a different form. It's the art of communication that is sooo important to me. And writing, or course, fits right into it! I want to write for adults as well children. This course will help me refine my skills all the way around.
I've also interest in speaking - publicly. I've enlisted in Toast Masters and about to enroll in another course specifically for making a living at speaking. This excites me to no end.
Third, I've always naturally been a counselor at heart. Back in the day, had I not felt ONLY secure in isolating and protecting myself in my visual arts, I'd have become a therapist of some sort. Now, visual art does not hold the interest or safety that I needed before. It was a coping tool. (I feel safe all the time now.) My interest in helping people, however, is powerfully strong - stronger than ever. At times in my previous life, I'd think I'd wanted to become a life coach. Now... I KNOW I want to become a life coach!
I see a vivid and powerful future for Jason as these interests work together beautifully, hand in hand to form: a motivational speaking, children and adult book authoring, life coach! It's all about communicating all that I have learned on this adventure and helping people improve their own lives, filling them with hope for a powerful future - one that I now am personally heading toward myself!
And for my future and this farm that I currently live on... the seeds or ideas have been planted. I'm watering and fertilizing my ambitions by educating myself via online and in-class courses. Every day that goes by, I weed my old needs that just don't seem to apply any longer. My new sunny disposition and ambition seem to be the light fodder necessary to make my dreams grow. And soon enough, it will be harvest time. I will reap the financial but most important, emotional rewards of such a healthy bounty.
This is my internal garden. This is my new life's farm.
And externally, living on an estate with barns, edible plants and adorable animals, I did not realize until now the amazing parellels in my mind and physical life. I even thought for a moment it was time to leave the rural lifestyle, as healthy and wholesome as it is, to explore the world. Maybe in some way, I will. But I'm now understanding that I can have both - exploration and growth, and a stable, healthy home.
So it's important to move slowly, as I was reminded by my own counselor yesterday. As much as the rapidly advancing teenager inside me (I was just a preteen only a month ago!) wants to rush out and make up quickly for all the lost time, it's important that the "soon to be" adult in me lessons the child about the benefits of patience.
To my partner I say now, "I'm not going anywhere." The home we built is secure.
As Dorothy indicates to in the Wizard of Oz, all she ever wanted to find is right there waiting for her at her humble abode... and me with you, because, after all is said and done, "there's no place like home." I love you.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Came back from vacation to a job interview!
Don't have much time to blog right now (actually someone mentioned that my posts should be shorter, so I'm working on that!), but I wanted to quickly fill you in.
I went on a fantastic trip to Connecticut to visit a friend of mine this past weekend. It was effortless and amazing to realize how capable now I am at being able to get up and go to some "distant land". That cracks me up thinking of Conn. as some foreign space to venture to. It's really not far at all. The point however is that to me, it is leaps and bounds further than my old self would have felt comfortable going.
Not now!
I had the time of my life and learned things about my new self every step of the way. I learned that it is possible to travel and maintain a strict "mentally healthy" diet. I learned that my ability to learn and remember where I was going is soooo much stronger than before. I learned to feel confidence with my new found intelligence in trusting my own decisions. I learned that I'm getting comfortable being on camera.
What? You say. Yes. Quickly, I stopped at a gas station where they happened to be filming for a news cast about gas and was asked to be on camera. I excitedly said, "Sure!" The news caster interviewed me briefly and though I felt the normal butterflies, I communicated clearly and was even a little funny. She thanked me and told me I'd be on. For your info, it was in Springfield, Mass. and the station was News 22. Just another exciting moment in my new life.
Last thing to tell you is that I now have to get ready... for a JOB INTERVIEW!!! I am soooooo excited about it. I can hardly wait. This of course has NEVER been the reaction I'd normally have felt in the past. I'd be so scared and nervous, it would be out of control. Now, I am filled with happy anticipation.
And on that note, I must be gone. Keep your fingers for me. This is of course a whole new chapter, starting the end of my disability into finally having a real income!
By the way... thanks for reading!
I went on a fantastic trip to Connecticut to visit a friend of mine this past weekend. It was effortless and amazing to realize how capable now I am at being able to get up and go to some "distant land". That cracks me up thinking of Conn. as some foreign space to venture to. It's really not far at all. The point however is that to me, it is leaps and bounds further than my old self would have felt comfortable going.
Not now!
I had the time of my life and learned things about my new self every step of the way. I learned that it is possible to travel and maintain a strict "mentally healthy" diet. I learned that my ability to learn and remember where I was going is soooo much stronger than before. I learned to feel confidence with my new found intelligence in trusting my own decisions. I learned that I'm getting comfortable being on camera.
What? You say. Yes. Quickly, I stopped at a gas station where they happened to be filming for a news cast about gas and was asked to be on camera. I excitedly said, "Sure!" The news caster interviewed me briefly and though I felt the normal butterflies, I communicated clearly and was even a little funny. She thanked me and told me I'd be on. For your info, it was in Springfield, Mass. and the station was News 22. Just another exciting moment in my new life.
Last thing to tell you is that I now have to get ready... for a JOB INTERVIEW!!! I am soooooo excited about it. I can hardly wait. This of course has NEVER been the reaction I'd normally have felt in the past. I'd be so scared and nervous, it would be out of control. Now, I am filled with happy anticipation.
And on that note, I must be gone. Keep your fingers for me. This is of course a whole new chapter, starting the end of my disability into finally having a real income!
By the way... thanks for reading!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Things are great with me and my dear friend who's blogging about her own metamorphosis...
What a weekend! The Fourth was Fantastic... all because of my change, I have to say. To give you an idea as to how great I feel, I didn't touch a drop of alcohol during the big party at the Plaza in Albany for the fireworks. Usually, I'd be downing at least a few beers throughout the long celebration (we arrive at 2:00pm and don't get home till 2:00am!) In those situations, and being surrounded by heavy drinkers and drinking, I'd have been inclined to down a few myself in the past.
NOT THIS TIME! I'm feeling so terrific, thanks to Resveratrol and Christian's low Glutamate diet, that I don't NEED alcohol to eliminate my social anxiety because it's gone! I didn't need spirits to lift my spirits. I was sooo proud of myself. (P.S. - alcoholism runs in my family, too! I'm a mental illness smorgasbord!)
But not now!!
Okay, maybe a month from now things will sink back to my old illness ways, (of course I have to concede to that possibility) but right now, things are fantastic. And I seem to have resolved the sleepiness issue by cutting back on the Resveratrol by half. I improved further by, as I indicated earlier, changing my actual diet to include NO FOOD ADDITIVES of any kind - whole foods only!!!
Now I guess for me to be absolutely pure about it, I should eliminate all protein from my diet for a few days, like a fast, as Christian indicated. But I'm going to try to exercise some restraint from diving in again too fast as I usually do and just to start slowly (at least by my quick standards) cutting out the unnatural, added Glutamate. The natural Glutamate in my diet, will hopefully be taken care of by the Resveratrol. Gotta pace myself.
BUT THANK YOU CHRISTIAN! I really feel a difference. It's absolutely amazing because now I feel like I can actually see a source to my old misery. What I mean by that is this:
It was told to me by mental health professionals that I would always be afflicted with this condition. I agreed to that to a point. See, from what they knew, I would always be Schizo Affective Bipolar Disordered and be completely dependent on their best known remedies: Pharmaceutical Medications. As helpful and appreciative as I am to these drugs and this help, I knew that it was just "emotional Tylenol" at best. It didn't cure anything or heal anyone. It just mechanically filled in the bio chemical gaps that my own brain was producing. Well, for that, thank you modern medical technology.
But, ironically, the Modern Technology part of that title, now holds suspicions for me. I now see an accidental role by modern food technology in my condition in the first place. These newly scary additives in food that most of us Americans eat, may have a responsibility in my mental health. See, if I was genetically predisposed to be Schizo Affective Bipolar Disorder, it MAY be due to the fact that my mom ate all this synthesized and modified junk in her food before I was born. This could have damaged me genetically when I was being formed. (BY THE WAY, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT MOM!!) Then I grow up eating it as well and it begins accumulating in my system. When my body stops maturing physically at 24 or so and coupled with my own consumption of excess glutamate (I really think I was addicted to it's taste because looking back I've always craved ALL foods full of Glutamate and MSG!!), the predisposed genes mixed with the large volume of MSG eaten culminating into the mentally ill mess that I WAS.
This is not a conspiracy theory. It's just a layman's hypothesis based on my sudden health due to the changes made by my diet and my discovering Resveratrol's positive role in my own mental health. (As I mentioned in my recent post, Resveratrol seems to drop Glutamate levels in the brain and blood!)
This is ALL wonderful because, by changing my diet, I change the illness and take away it's ability to affect me. This "news" in of itself makes me happy. It's all theory, but the theory seems to be backed up by personal, anecdotal results.
So I continue to be having a great life...
and so is my friend from Grammar School who just had surgery for weight loss. She just came through to the other side of surgery a few days before and she's doing well! This is immensely important to me, not only because I was concerned for her and want her around as long as possible, but because her and I go way back. We were struggling kids with our own problems who bonded back in the day. I knew of her problems, she didn't know of mine, until just recently but we struggled together none-the-less.
And here it is, at the wonderful age of 35, we are both changing in the ways we both wanted and, interestingly, we're BOTH blogging about it, even before the other one knew that the other was blogging too!
Now, last week, I was at the school where we'd both gone, in the gym watching my 6th grade niece graduate on to 7th grade. Her class was singing "You lift me up" by Josh Grobin and I could not contain my tears. I was looking at her, all the while looking at me at her age. The struggles, the pain, the heart ache, that I felt everyday then, all came rushing back to me. My heart cried...but in triumph. Here I am 25 years later. I... we, Bec... survived it all. And now I "feel" the real me... and you will soon "see" the real you. We can live true to ourselves for the first time.
I can't believe it's taken this long to say it but I'm so thankful I can considering so many that can't... our lives ARE good. I tear up now, but they are beautiful tears pondering a beautiful moment in our personal history. I share it with you Bec. Thanks for being here with me. I love you.
NOT THIS TIME! I'm feeling so terrific, thanks to Resveratrol and Christian's low Glutamate diet, that I don't NEED alcohol to eliminate my social anxiety because it's gone! I didn't need spirits to lift my spirits. I was sooo proud of myself. (P.S. - alcoholism runs in my family, too! I'm a mental illness smorgasbord!)
But not now!!
Okay, maybe a month from now things will sink back to my old illness ways, (of course I have to concede to that possibility) but right now, things are fantastic. And I seem to have resolved the sleepiness issue by cutting back on the Resveratrol by half. I improved further by, as I indicated earlier, changing my actual diet to include NO FOOD ADDITIVES of any kind - whole foods only!!!
Now I guess for me to be absolutely pure about it, I should eliminate all protein from my diet for a few days, like a fast, as Christian indicated. But I'm going to try to exercise some restraint from diving in again too fast as I usually do and just to start slowly (at least by my quick standards) cutting out the unnatural, added Glutamate. The natural Glutamate in my diet, will hopefully be taken care of by the Resveratrol. Gotta pace myself.
BUT THANK YOU CHRISTIAN! I really feel a difference. It's absolutely amazing because now I feel like I can actually see a source to my old misery. What I mean by that is this:
It was told to me by mental health professionals that I would always be afflicted with this condition. I agreed to that to a point. See, from what they knew, I would always be Schizo Affective Bipolar Disordered and be completely dependent on their best known remedies: Pharmaceutical Medications. As helpful and appreciative as I am to these drugs and this help, I knew that it was just "emotional Tylenol" at best. It didn't cure anything or heal anyone. It just mechanically filled in the bio chemical gaps that my own brain was producing. Well, for that, thank you modern medical technology.
But, ironically, the Modern Technology part of that title, now holds suspicions for me. I now see an accidental role by modern food technology in my condition in the first place. These newly scary additives in food that most of us Americans eat, may have a responsibility in my mental health. See, if I was genetically predisposed to be Schizo Affective Bipolar Disorder, it MAY be due to the fact that my mom ate all this synthesized and modified junk in her food before I was born. This could have damaged me genetically when I was being formed. (BY THE WAY, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT MOM!!) Then I grow up eating it as well and it begins accumulating in my system. When my body stops maturing physically at 24 or so and coupled with my own consumption of excess glutamate (I really think I was addicted to it's taste because looking back I've always craved ALL foods full of Glutamate and MSG!!), the predisposed genes mixed with the large volume of MSG eaten culminating into the mentally ill mess that I WAS.
This is not a conspiracy theory. It's just a layman's hypothesis based on my sudden health due to the changes made by my diet and my discovering Resveratrol's positive role in my own mental health. (As I mentioned in my recent post, Resveratrol seems to drop Glutamate levels in the brain and blood!)
This is ALL wonderful because, by changing my diet, I change the illness and take away it's ability to affect me. This "news" in of itself makes me happy. It's all theory, but the theory seems to be backed up by personal, anecdotal results.
So I continue to be having a great life...
and so is my friend from Grammar School who just had surgery for weight loss. She just came through to the other side of surgery a few days before and she's doing well! This is immensely important to me, not only because I was concerned for her and want her around as long as possible, but because her and I go way back. We were struggling kids with our own problems who bonded back in the day. I knew of her problems, she didn't know of mine, until just recently but we struggled together none-the-less.
And here it is, at the wonderful age of 35, we are both changing in the ways we both wanted and, interestingly, we're BOTH blogging about it, even before the other one knew that the other was blogging too!
Now, last week, I was at the school where we'd both gone, in the gym watching my 6th grade niece graduate on to 7th grade. Her class was singing "You lift me up" by Josh Grobin and I could not contain my tears. I was looking at her, all the while looking at me at her age. The struggles, the pain, the heart ache, that I felt everyday then, all came rushing back to me. My heart cried...but in triumph. Here I am 25 years later. I... we, Bec... survived it all. And now I "feel" the real me... and you will soon "see" the real you. We can live true to ourselves for the first time.
I can't believe it's taken this long to say it but I'm so thankful I can considering so many that can't... our lives ARE good. I tear up now, but they are beautiful tears pondering a beautiful moment in our personal history. I share it with you Bec. Thanks for being here with me. I love you.
Friday, July 3, 2009
I met a new ally on the road to discovery and perhaps more answers...
Christian Bonanno. (He's braver than I am... I have yet to disclose my last name!)
I found that Christian also has a blog that you have to check out! http://glutamateandhealth.wordpress.com/
One of the many cool things about all the terrific information on his blog, is that he has been posting for OVER two years now! He's had lots of long term experience with Bipolar Disorder and Resveratrol. This was a tremendous relief to me.
Let's face it, in all of this fantastic journey, with all it's wondrous new experiences, the constant underlying concern on my part with my mental illness that nags at me is , "Will it all come to an end?" Will my joy get defeated by the "forces" of Schizo Affective Bipolar Disorder (remember, it's both half Bipolar and half Schizophrenia) - a condition which has plagued and shaped my brain and life for the last 35 years. It seems that it would be almost impossible to have been influenced by such a powerful illness for so long and then to suddenly be symptom free - a reality I always dreamed of but to this day, fear it to be too good to be true. So as a result, I wait for the "shoe to drop" and for the condition to come rushing back in all it's terrifying aspects.
And then I come across Christian.
He's a survivor of mental illness and a major player in mental health discovery game. He has successfully navigated his life through "the ring of fire" as I like to call mental illness and, based on his own ingenuity, discovered a way out of his Bipolar! Not by doctor recommendations either, but by sheer inner strength, creativity, research and intellect, he found answers for himself. I could relate to his driven passion and am inspired by all of his accomplishments in the last two years. He's a new role model to me. We may not have the same diagnoses, but we're of the same mind!
As you will see in his blog, his emphasis is on Glutamate and it's probable role in Bipolar Disorder. He feels, and this is backed by many new scientific studies now (probably because of his blog) that excessive amounts of Glutamate in all it's forms could be the cause of this mental illness. As a result, he's committed himself to a strict Glutamate free or reduced diet and has been able to successfully manage his symptoms WITHOUT MEDS by doing so!
"Wow! But where does Resveratrol come in?" you ask?
Christian found that Resveratrol actually seems to cut down on the Glutamate levels in the body and brain. It's one of a number of supplements that do so. So coupled with reducing the intake of Glutamate and then the addition of the Resveratrol, he was apparently able to reduce the negative affects of his awful disease.
So as you can imagine, and in true Indiana Jase fashion, I was so inspired by his findings that I've now decided to radically change my diet! This is a challenge for me - as it would be for any MSG (Mono Sodium Glutamate) addicted individual. See, this stuff is hidden in almost everything, especially processed food which, let's face it, is America's staple!
What is it for? MSG is a food additive which basically enhances taste. It tricks the tongue and nervous system into "thinking" that the food being consumed has more substance than it does. That's why so many food manufacturers want and include it in their products - people feel satisfied with the sensation it creates. They like it!
But knowing this, now there are a ton of things I don't want to eat, based on Christian's new diet. You've got to be curious as to what I can and cannot now consume. Well, I want to include a list, but it would be a blog in itself. Also, I'm obviously completely new to this. Therefore, I will let Christian be the expert on the diet itself. Refer to his site to get more info about it, if you're interested.
I can tell you loosely, from my current understanding, that it consists primarily of fresh fruit and vegetables and very little meat. Sounds very healthy doesn't it, eliminating all that processed junk from fast foods and microwaved meals? It is! But it's also hard... on your stomach apparently!
Oh ya, after eating a ton of carrots and baby spinach yesterday, my stomach rebelled! It was screaming, "Where's my meat, grizzle and MSG???!!" I simply responded by chomping on another carrot.
You don't want to know how IT responded a couple hours later! (The toilet hates me now.)
After a night of stomach cramps, indigestion, nausea, gas, bloating and other unmentionable stuff (how's my sales pitch going so far?), I awoke... to the same thing!
But in defense of this amazing possibility and in all seriousnous, here it is 11:00am and I must confess I feel much better - emotionally and, yes, physically too.
I simply jumped too fast, which Indiana Jase tends to do in these adventures - at the exciting opportunity to further his quest. But now, I'll just back up a bit and slow the pace by introducing and, over time, transitioning from MSG ladened food to the good stuff!
On a quick side note, I had more energy yesterday after dropping down to one pill of PURE's Resveratrol. I mentioned in my last post that I was going to do this to counter the apparent excess of Adenosine (a sleep enducing neurotransmitter) in my brain brought on by a dose of Resveratrol that might have been too high for me.
Just a theory, but it did seem to improve my state quite a bit. As I said, I was much more alert! So hopefully the effects of that "bump in the road" have passed. I'll of course, keep you posted about the "many" potential future bumps that lay ahead!
In the mean time, have a fantastic day!
I found that Christian also has a blog that you have to check out! http://glutamateandhealth.wordpress.com/
One of the many cool things about all the terrific information on his blog, is that he has been posting for OVER two years now! He's had lots of long term experience with Bipolar Disorder and Resveratrol. This was a tremendous relief to me.
Let's face it, in all of this fantastic journey, with all it's wondrous new experiences, the constant underlying concern on my part with my mental illness that nags at me is , "Will it all come to an end?" Will my joy get defeated by the "forces" of Schizo Affective Bipolar Disorder (remember, it's both half Bipolar and half Schizophrenia) - a condition which has plagued and shaped my brain and life for the last 35 years. It seems that it would be almost impossible to have been influenced by such a powerful illness for so long and then to suddenly be symptom free - a reality I always dreamed of but to this day, fear it to be too good to be true. So as a result, I wait for the "shoe to drop" and for the condition to come rushing back in all it's terrifying aspects.
And then I come across Christian.
He's a survivor of mental illness and a major player in mental health discovery game. He has successfully navigated his life through "the ring of fire" as I like to call mental illness and, based on his own ingenuity, discovered a way out of his Bipolar! Not by doctor recommendations either, but by sheer inner strength, creativity, research and intellect, he found answers for himself. I could relate to his driven passion and am inspired by all of his accomplishments in the last two years. He's a new role model to me. We may not have the same diagnoses, but we're of the same mind!
As you will see in his blog, his emphasis is on Glutamate and it's probable role in Bipolar Disorder. He feels, and this is backed by many new scientific studies now (probably because of his blog) that excessive amounts of Glutamate in all it's forms could be the cause of this mental illness. As a result, he's committed himself to a strict Glutamate free or reduced diet and has been able to successfully manage his symptoms WITHOUT MEDS by doing so!
"Wow! But where does Resveratrol come in?" you ask?
Christian found that Resveratrol actually seems to cut down on the Glutamate levels in the body and brain. It's one of a number of supplements that do so. So coupled with reducing the intake of Glutamate and then the addition of the Resveratrol, he was apparently able to reduce the negative affects of his awful disease.
So as you can imagine, and in true Indiana Jase fashion, I was so inspired by his findings that I've now decided to radically change my diet! This is a challenge for me - as it would be for any MSG (Mono Sodium Glutamate) addicted individual. See, this stuff is hidden in almost everything, especially processed food which, let's face it, is America's staple!
What is it for? MSG is a food additive which basically enhances taste. It tricks the tongue and nervous system into "thinking" that the food being consumed has more substance than it does. That's why so many food manufacturers want and include it in their products - people feel satisfied with the sensation it creates. They like it!
But knowing this, now there are a ton of things I don't want to eat, based on Christian's new diet. You've got to be curious as to what I can and cannot now consume. Well, I want to include a list, but it would be a blog in itself. Also, I'm obviously completely new to this. Therefore, I will let Christian be the expert on the diet itself. Refer to his site to get more info about it, if you're interested.
I can tell you loosely, from my current understanding, that it consists primarily of fresh fruit and vegetables and very little meat. Sounds very healthy doesn't it, eliminating all that processed junk from fast foods and microwaved meals? It is! But it's also hard... on your stomach apparently!
Oh ya, after eating a ton of carrots and baby spinach yesterday, my stomach rebelled! It was screaming, "Where's my meat, grizzle and MSG???!!" I simply responded by chomping on another carrot.
You don't want to know how IT responded a couple hours later! (The toilet hates me now.)
After a night of stomach cramps, indigestion, nausea, gas, bloating and other unmentionable stuff (how's my sales pitch going so far?), I awoke... to the same thing!
But in defense of this amazing possibility and in all seriousnous, here it is 11:00am and I must confess I feel much better - emotionally and, yes, physically too.
I simply jumped too fast, which Indiana Jase tends to do in these adventures - at the exciting opportunity to further his quest. But now, I'll just back up a bit and slow the pace by introducing and, over time, transitioning from MSG ladened food to the good stuff!
On a quick side note, I had more energy yesterday after dropping down to one pill of PURE's Resveratrol. I mentioned in my last post that I was going to do this to counter the apparent excess of Adenosine (a sleep enducing neurotransmitter) in my brain brought on by a dose of Resveratrol that might have been too high for me.
Just a theory, but it did seem to improve my state quite a bit. As I said, I was much more alert! So hopefully the effects of that "bump in the road" have passed. I'll of course, keep you posted about the "many" potential future bumps that lay ahead!
In the mean time, have a fantastic day!
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Adenosine! Is this the answer to my sudden sleepiness?
Go ahead and ask... "Jason, what the heck is Adenosine?"
It's okay, I had no idea it existed 2 days ago, but I'm starting to wonder if IT is the cause for my 1:00pm to 7:00pm lathargy.
Yes, I've been experiencing this, as indicated by my last posting - overwhelming drowsiness around that time each day for the last 3-4 days. As you can imagine, it's been a bit concerning. This kick I've been on, seems to have been thwarted by some unknown agent.
Perhaps unknown...until now!
Yesterday, in my quest for answers to this new quandary, I explored many medical sites, stumbling on a NEW study done with Resveratrol and Adenosine. Apparently, in rats, it was discovered that resveratrol increased the availability or the production of Adenosine. This is exciting... which is ironic considering Adenosine makes you drowsy! (bad joke)
But I have yet to answer your question... what the heck is it?
Adenosine, as far as I now know, is a neurotransmitter, amongst other things, that promotes or encourages sleep! It is theorized to be associated with REM sleep as well. Now, I'm not sure if I filled you all in on my sleep lately, but my REM has been incredible. My dreams are like movies now - vivid and exciting.
But sleep is the name of the game for me since, at this stage in my personal experiment, that's all I want to do at that specific time of the day! Caffeine has been found to help, but it, now I understand, inhibits or blocks the action of Adenosine!
So, in other words, Resveratrol SEEMS to be increasing the amount of Adenosine in my brain. This causes me to get very sleepy at a specific time after taking my pills. The sleepiness slows my thinking ability, as it does with most humanoids (and rats, apparently!) and this causes me to "worry" that everything that I've gained in the last month and 1 week, is getting ready to be lost. So my anxiety elevates.
This is my new Hypothesis!
So, what am I going to do about it?
Well... I'm thinking that the Nitro 250 may be too powerful for me and my sensitive neuro receptors. I'm going to go back to the original pill I'd taken in the beginning, Pure's Resveratrol Extra. I'd love to keep taking the Nitro 250 (I think it's more consistent) but you can't cut the pill in half. So, I think I will start to just take one pill instead of the two of Pure and work my way up again.
I've gotta go but I'll keep you posted!
It's okay, I had no idea it existed 2 days ago, but I'm starting to wonder if IT is the cause for my 1:00pm to 7:00pm lathargy.
Yes, I've been experiencing this, as indicated by my last posting - overwhelming drowsiness around that time each day for the last 3-4 days. As you can imagine, it's been a bit concerning. This kick I've been on, seems to have been thwarted by some unknown agent.
Perhaps unknown...until now!
Yesterday, in my quest for answers to this new quandary, I explored many medical sites, stumbling on a NEW study done with Resveratrol and Adenosine. Apparently, in rats, it was discovered that resveratrol increased the availability or the production of Adenosine. This is exciting... which is ironic considering Adenosine makes you drowsy! (bad joke)
But I have yet to answer your question... what the heck is it?
Adenosine, as far as I now know, is a neurotransmitter, amongst other things, that promotes or encourages sleep! It is theorized to be associated with REM sleep as well. Now, I'm not sure if I filled you all in on my sleep lately, but my REM has been incredible. My dreams are like movies now - vivid and exciting.
But sleep is the name of the game for me since, at this stage in my personal experiment, that's all I want to do at that specific time of the day! Caffeine has been found to help, but it, now I understand, inhibits or blocks the action of Adenosine!
So, in other words, Resveratrol SEEMS to be increasing the amount of Adenosine in my brain. This causes me to get very sleepy at a specific time after taking my pills. The sleepiness slows my thinking ability, as it does with most humanoids (and rats, apparently!) and this causes me to "worry" that everything that I've gained in the last month and 1 week, is getting ready to be lost. So my anxiety elevates.
This is my new Hypothesis!
So, what am I going to do about it?
Well... I'm thinking that the Nitro 250 may be too powerful for me and my sensitive neuro receptors. I'm going to go back to the original pill I'd taken in the beginning, Pure's Resveratrol Extra. I'd love to keep taking the Nitro 250 (I think it's more consistent) but you can't cut the pill in half. So, I think I will start to just take one pill instead of the two of Pure and work my way up again.
I've gotta go but I'll keep you posted!
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