Red Wine on a Saturday night...

It’s Saturday night, and I’ve just gotten home from a wonderful night at the local town bar in it’s ritziest and most prestigious restaurant. I drank coffee before leaving to the bar, due to the fact that I knew I’d be drinking a glass of wine or two (I now try just to drink red French wine like Burdough (spelling) or what ever French red is in the house. This is of course due to the trace doses of Resveratrol in the wine. The French region has the strongest consistency of Resveratrol.)
I had such a tremendous time. But I think I’d enjoy even perhaps an insurance seminar at this point, as long as I’d have the opportunity to speak.
I’ve done such a 180 around this issue of people and socialization. I told you already that I used to be severely social phobic. I am the complete opposite now. I find myself talking to strangers regularly, whenever I have the opportunity. It’s bizarre and much loved. It’s the most profound change in me, besides now having a nice mind to share with others.
Other changes that have happened are the fact that I have a sense of humour now. I enjoy being funny when possible and light in most situations when appropriate. It’s fun to share and actually feel the power of making others laugh. It’s tremendous.
I just want to speak to people. I want to be around others and share life experiences, even if I don’t know the person.
Today, we have something quite special and amazing happening (besides my own personal transformation). I can’t go into it yet, but I will very soon. It has to do with the entertainment industry and the farm. I won’t write as to where I live yet. Most of you probably wouldn’t know if I told you… but you will soon! I’ll just leave it at that.
Anywho, a number of people were here at the farm for the reason that I can’t specify yet. I was shoveling manure (fun huh?) with my partner and had a break where he had to take the tractor out and dump the junk that was now in the bucket. Well, I got bored just waiting for him. So what did I do? I got up, smelly and all, and walked around the barn outside to the main mansion. There on the lawn was a man drawing the house (I know, this all sounds strange but I promise it is true and will all make sense once I explain what is happening here at the estate.) There were actually 3 artists all drawing the mansion from different perspectives. I would never have done this normally, but what did I do? I walked right over to the man and introduced myself (remember, still smelly) and we chatted up a storm for a good 15 minutes! Never in my life in the past would I have done something like that.
John, after I’d returned to the barn said, “Boy, I never would have guessed you’d go up to a stranger to talk. You’re not shy anymore, are ya?”
I guess not. In fact, I am the total opposite. I’m not annoyingly chatty, at least I hope not (my family might disagree lately!) but I’m simply nicely sociable. In fact, that’s all I want to do now. I want to work and be around people.
See, in the past, I set up my life to try and remove myself as much as I could from the rest of society. The little bit I could work, was of course for myself only, and it was doing odd jobs working on a broken antique alone in the garage.
I’ve changed. That is no longer attractive to me at all. It’s completely isolating and I want nothing to do with it any longer. Nothing against antiques; it is the alone time that I’m rebelling against. I guess going 35 years in hiding and now coming out of my shell, I have a lot of social time to make up for. I think that’s what’s happening now. It’s not like I want to have 10 shots and party all night like I used to when I was hypomanic. It’s VERY different. It’s me not being afraid of people any longer. I just want to be around them now.
And I have discovered that I still have a HEALTHY dose of nervousness at times. But I can’t call it anxiety anymore. I don’t sit and let it eat the insides of me out like I did in the past. It was all consuming and too much before. It ruled my social life.
Now, it’s just a tinge of excitement, as I now like to call it, preceding a social engagement, that I think many get. It’s so manageable. All I do is a few drops of Bach Remedy’s Rose Rock. It take it right away. I’ve also discovered all I have to do is think of something funny and it’s gone. I’d rather become a bit more dependent and used to that coping strategy than to take a product.
Well, I’m now getting sleepy. It’s about 11:30 and past my normal bedtime. I believe the coffee and caffeine are out of my system now. Bed sounds very attractive and I know I need to get up early. I have a truly exciting day lining up for me tomorrow which you should be able to see soon! I promise to keep you posted.
Have a spectacular night, what’s left of it, and I will chat with you in the morning or so.
Night.