My pivotal moment over the weekend - changing my future's course again...

Wow.

What a thought provoking time I had on my latest trip this past weekend! I’m referring to my conversations with a family member who I had the privilege of getting to know. Now, before my transformation, I may have shuttered at the thought of a full on talk with them in knowing their occasional difficult nature and "rough around the edges" use of opinion. However, they are a brilliant older person who’s had a challenging life. (Obviously I'm trying to be completely anonymous and vague when referring to them out of respect to them.)

Our discussion, though immediately awkward, turned out to be one of those powerful moments in life. I didn't realize it at the time, but now, having thought about it, it seems to be a pivotal moment where I made a decision and have now acted in regards to my education.

Now, keep in mind that this all happened quite suddenly since I'd practically just arrived and this was the first real conversation that I’d ever really held with this person. There was no preparation for the heated discussion except my own internal warnings that it may get a bit stressful. As a result, I was nervous.

So, there we were, on the morning after our late night arrival, sitting in the living room with my mom and dad and the family member I am referring to. They started the ball rolling by asking what I was up to. A simple and standard question yet, as discussed in a previous post, I always sigh and wonder where to begin and how much I should reveal about my current internal adventure.

So I mentioned something basic, that I was applying for positions in customer service at a few local insurance agencies. They seemed interested without being enthralled. I’d also mentioned that I’d like to go back to school, secretly hoping to impress them.

See, I have to fill you in on a detail about this member of our family. I didn't know much about them at this point, but I did know that human intelligence is at the top of his preferential list. Degrees and certifications mean a lot to them. This may be due to the fact that they never acquired a degree (though they would have aced their way right through college if they had) and I wonder if its due to the fact that they always wanted one. This member of the family is very well read and quite astute to the ways of the world.

In all reality, their kids certainly must have felt weight of this drive for intellectual self improvement seeing that they graduated with high degrees from college. It seems like it was a matter of a parent wanting the opportunities they never had for their children. So push them this person did, and, looking back, now I wasn't ready for but about to get the same lesson.

"Where do you want to go to school?" The family member asked bluntly. I didn't know, so I just started talking, mindlessly.

Now before I go any further, in looking back, I have to admit that I was much more antsy and hyper than I’d like to admit with this situation. For someone like this family member who dealt with the symptoms of my condition professionally in their job, this totally must have looked like I was in hypo mania or mania. To their eye, it probably looked like I was really up. This was a good observation and a good hypothesis, but... it was wrong. I was actually nervous. Doesn’t matter. It was a lesson in itself as to how careful I have to be to not allow this hyperactive state (coffee and situationally induced) trick or fool people into thinking I’m manic in any of it’s forms. My brain naturally runs much faster now than it has in the past. But with coffee, it really runs. So it’s an easy mistake to make - easy, but still wrong.

So here I am, hyped up on coffee and, oh... just a tad anxious about impressing my difficult to impress family member who I really didn’t know.

So, I continued to babble away. “I really want to go back to school because I have my Associates Degree from JCA from back in 1997 but I’d really love to have my Bachelors and Masters, well actually, my Doctorate – and this is due to the fact that I want to be a life coach or executive coach some day and help heal the world – but first I have to get my degrees and go back to school and that will be after I apply to all of these jobs and get at least one full time position and…” blah, blah, blah. (I wasn't that bad but for entertainment purposes, let's pretend I was because it apparently was what I seemed like to my family member. I was acting like a babbling, idiotic, hyperactive child with all kinds of dreams and no basis for reality.

They called me on it. "What are you doing about it now?"

I stopped, then responded just as fidgety, "Well, I haven't done anything yet about school but I'm looking into taking an online course for writing children's books and then I'll take an online program for life coaching and -"

They interrupted, "Why waist your time with that? It won't apply to a degree."

I defensively said that, "I think it will but it's more important that I acquire the knowledge learned rather the credits earned."

In turn, they basically said, "It's useless."

I was dumbfounded. I resorted to, "I'm not sure what you think about this but I'm planning on being a motivational speaking, children and adult authoring, life coach-"

"I don't care," they dropped. "I would never go to you as a life coach. You haven't lived yet and don't know anything. And you aren't a good listener."

Okay. This struck a nerve. But rather than get defensive and upset, I started learning something here. First of all, if I was anything, I knew I was a good listener. But I had to agree I wasn't being a good one at this point and since they and I were talking for the first time, of course they had no reference other than how I was immediately behaving. What they really seemed to be saying is that I was babbling on and not listening to them. But I also was seeing my family member's ambitions for a degree and their desire for a person to have one - possibly so they could see them as a complete person - tested, proven and ready for the world. But I also saw a little lack of understanding about being a life coach. It's a common misconception that life coaching is about having particular experience and knowledge. While this is partly true, you could never have all the experience required to answer every question for a life coach client. So its more about guiding people in a positive direction to deal effectively with any goal they may wish to achieve. But my family member did have a point that I didn't have much practical knowledge of the world. However, what they didn't know is that I had tremendous personal experience with conquering my mental illness - one of the worst mental illnesses in human kind.

More importantly though, I was beginning to read a different body language from this person. There were speaking very slowly now and deliberate. I knew they were trying to slow me down. So I responded by doing just that.

I also knew it was time to come clean about what I did know.

"Family member" (I know, that's weird to call them "family member". Ok, let's give them an androgenous name like... Pat.) has anyone in the family told you about what has been happening to me lately?"

"You tell me."

I filled "Pat" in and they listened for a time carefully. Then "Pat" said, "How old are you, Jason?"

"35."

"Do you realize," they gently now said (I'd won some respect from them apparently now that I matched their speaking pace and informed them of my inner accomplishments), "that if you go for your Bachelor's and then Masters at a part time pace now, you'll be over 40 by the time you complete your degrees and then you'll be competing with 25 year olds for the same jobs?"

"Pat" was right. (I told you they were smart.)

"Can you go to school full time now?"

I thought I could. Financial aid should really help considering I have no money. So I nodded.

Speaking slowly and softly now, "Pat" assured me that I should really take that into consideration. They also mentioned I should act now, get up in the morning, write a list for the day that works toward that ultimate goal of a degree. With this, I then realized they were a very pragmatic person. It was one of many things I would learn from them that weekend.

And from then on, a shift had taken place. I completely changed the way I communicated with "Pat" - from nervous and jerky to calm and quiet, and what a difference it made in our talk. They blossomed as much as I. Both of our walls dropped. The communication just flowed, mostly from "Pat", mind you now, but it was ripe full of information. Information about my future and the ways they believed I could make it successful.

I have to admit I didn't blindly follow all of it. "Pat" really thought I shouldn't bother helping people who might be in similar situations as me and thought I should be a teacher. I listened but silently disagreed. The way I currently see it is I have a bit of knowledge that may (or may not) help someone. So I really can't on good consciousness hold it in secrecy when I know that there could be at least one person similar to me who might be able to get healthy. If I can help one person to change the way they eat and take a simple supplement pill and as a result get well from mental illness and not hurt themselves or another person, then I think that it is worth it.
But in that vein, I have to say that I agreed with "Pat" (that new name cracks me up). See, a teacher is exactly what I want to be as a motivational speaking, children and adult book authoring, life coach.

But you know what? Right there was a great example of one of the lessons that "Pat" had taught me. They said that I should listen to people quietly and think about it over time. I just did. And I came to my own conclusion. I guess we should all listen a little more to each other.

I learned so much from my family member that weekend, but most importantly, I learned that I enjoy them and I think they enjoyed me. We really bonded.

So, in new Jason fashion, at the end of the weekend, I actually came out and told "Pat" that I appreciated their letting me get close to them. Now, they were probably taken back a little bit that I would say something so awkwardly intimate. As a result, "Pat" said nothing. They didn't need to. See, I think I was teaching them a little something about human relationships. Perhaps they were taking their own advice and thinking on it.